Part 1: Recognize the importance of family stress management

Joe and Emily live in Southern California with their three young children. Both work and must commute 2 hours daily on busy freeways, often not getting home until 7:30 PM, exhausted and depleted.

Stressed, they have little patience for the antics of their young children. This results in frequent shouting matches, defiance on the part of the children, and escalating family tension.

Elizabeth, 32, cried during anger management class as she told how one year ago - her 19-month-old girl was permanently brain-damaged as the result of a medical error at the hospital in which she was delivered.

Elizabeth had a legitimate grievance toward the hospital and medical staff, and felt that she could never forgive them for what she saw as theri incompetence. She clearly was not yet ready to forgive. She felt she needed her simmering anger to motiviate her to do what she felt she needed to do legally and otherwise to deal with this horrific situation.

Every Holiday season Vicki found herself angry and silently seething at her older sister, Susie, and mother as they were merrily chatting about Susie?s successful life.

Thanksgiving was no exception. Vicki had to sit stoically while Mom praised Susie?s new house, her recent promotion at work and how well the grandchildren were doing. Not once did their mother or Susie ask about Vicki?s life in a way that sounded sincere to Vicki.

?Dr. Fiore,? my 42 year old married patient (Mary) began, ?once again my family expects me to host Christmas dinner and I am simply too exhausted; what should I do??

?Why not tell them how you feel?? I asked.

?Because I don?t want to hurt their feelings ? I always feel guilty if I don?t do what is expected of me.?

Beth and Tom were happily married for over 25 years ? no small feat in today?s world. At first, their friends could not understand how their marriage succeeded, due to numerous perceived shortcomings.

However, closer scrutiny of their marriage revealed that it was their thinking patterns ? the ways they explained and interpreted their partner?s behavior to themselves ? that strengthened, rather than weakened, their marriage.